If you are considering speaking at a funeral, you will no doubt be wondering how you will utter the words that you want to say when you are feeling so full of emotion. This is perfectly natural and understandable.
To help make a difficult time a little easier, we have put together some advice to help you shape your thoughts and give you the confidence to read a fitting tribute when the time comes.
What does speaking at a funeral involve?
With a long family tradition of funeral planning, we, at CPJ Field, understand that speaking at a funeral is an emotionally daunting task. With over 300 years of funeral planning as our heritage, we have stood alongside so many families, as they head to the lectern to deliver wonderful words about their loved ones. Our top tip is to hold in mind that everyone is gathered together on the day in support and love of the speaker at a funeral and will only want you to do well.
Speaking at a funeral is also a huge honour. You are paying tribute to a life well lived. When you see it in this context, your role as speaker is an intimate opportunity to encapsulate the essence of the person, to share memories and details of the person who has died, that perhaps many attending may not have been aware of.
"It is an opportunity to say to that person what they meant to you, and for your audience to share in this unique moment. It should not be pressurised, and anyone who speaks is to be applauded"
Preparing A Speech
Deciding who speaks at a funeral
There is no single “right” person to speak at a funeral. It could be a family member, a close friend, a colleague, or several people sharing the role. What matters most is choosing someone who feels able to reflect the life, values, and personality of the person who has died.
If you’re unsure, consider who knew them well, who feels comfortable speaking, and who can represent the tone the family would like—whether that’s reflective, celebratory, or a blend of both.
Start by gathering your thoughts and memories.
You might want to:
- Speak to family and friends for reflections on what the deceased person meant to them
- Look through photos, letters, or other meaningful items
- Note key life events, achievements, and the most important relationships that they held dear
Planning ahead will help you feel more grounded.
Writing a Funeral Speech
Here are some ideas to consider when you are starting to write your speech:
Pick your length
Aim for a length that feels appropriate and manageable. Typically, 3–5 minutes works well, but it can be shorter or longer depending on the service. Speak to your funeral director about the format of the service, and how your speech will fit into the order of the service.
Use stories
One of the most powerful ways to engage an audience at a funeral is through storytelling. Stories have an ability to transcend grief, bridging the gap between past and present. They allow mourners the chance to reminisce, laugh, and find solace in a shared experience. As a speaker, you might be able to weave together anecdotes and personal memories to create a heartfelt tribute.
Think about small, personal moments that resonate more than long lists of achievements. Consider:
- What made them unique
- What they loved
- How they made others feel
Be Authentic
You don’t have to feel that your written words need to be highly polished. The most authentic way is to just be sincere and write from the heart. A raw expression of love, what the person meant to you, what you admired in them will be full of meaning and highly genuine. This way, as speaker, you invite others to share in the pain and find comfort in solidarity that they will receive from your words.
Our best advice is to speak in your own voice, not what you think is expected. You may wish to add a poem, or a line from a song to make it more poignant. It’s okay if your words are simple or more elaborate – honesty is what people will remember.
Acknowledge the Pain
Funerals are sombre occasions, and acknowledging yours and the family’s pain and sorrow can be an equally important aspect. While it can be tempting to focus solely on celebrating a life, it is equally important to validate the emotions of those who are grieving. This acknowledges the depth of the grief and offers empathy and understanding to those present.
Find Hope
Amidst the sadness, funeral speeches have the power to inspire hope and resilience. Your words can remind us that even in our darkest moments, there is light to be found, and that life is to be celebrated. By infusing messages of hope, you can uplift the audience and encourage them towards acceptance and healing.
Practising Your Funeral Speech
Reading your speech aloud can make a big difference. You might:
- Practise in front of a mirror
- Record yourself and listen back
- Share it with someone you trust
When you rehearse, notice which lines bring the most emotion. This helps you become familiar with the flow and identify any parts that feel difficult to say. If you spend a bit more time with those sections, they will become familiar.
Delivering Your Speech
Here are some ideas to consider for when you are delivering your funeral speech:
Think about your audience
Remember that everyone present will be so invested in your words. Your speech will help create a shared space of remembrance.
If you speak clearly, and honestly, and at your own pace, your speech will be natural and full of meaning. It’s okay to pause. It’s okay to cry. What happens on the day is meant to be.
Managing Emotion
Emotion is natural and to be expected. Trying to suppress emotion often makes it harder to manage when it does surface, so, if you become overwhelmed, try the following steps:
- Look down at your notes, pause and take a breath
- Find three items around you to ground you with your eyes
- Have someone nearby who can step in if needed
- Instead of worrying about how you sound, think about why you’re speaking:
- You’re honouring someone’s life
- You’re helping others remember
- You’re sharing something meaningful
That shift in focus can make the moment feel less overwhelming.
See it as Part of the Grieving Process
For some people, speaking adds pressure rather than relief, especially if they’re very early in their grief or uncomfortable with public speaking. There is no right or wrong with speaking at a funeral, just those who can and those who can’t, and that is okay.
Can CPJ Field help with public speaking at a funeral?
Our colleagues are well prepared for guiding and advising families on the difficult task of speaking at a funeral, and can provide recommendations of professionals such as celebrants, humanists, or pastors. For further support, please get in contact with the following organisations:
Professional Support
To find a celebrant, humanist funeral service director, or minister: Association of Independent Celebrants or Humanists UK or Find a Minister Near You
Writing Support
For more information and guidance on writing funeral speeches, such as finding themes or infusing speeches with personal touches, visit Eulogy Assistant.